Shiva Nata Practice Day: Tiny Chihuahua Edition
Intention : Get some clarity on my procrastination (have been in an unbeatable bout of stuck for a couple of weeks. It is exquisitely hard the last few days. And it is creating terror and fear that are only fueling each other, leaving me, of course, more stuck)
Working on: Still basic level one horizontals and verticals. Have only done the first combination of the two. Will try to go farther today.
Things that came up for me during this practice: Had thought I would get to fast horizontals, didn’t realize that there were so many steps in between.
Today was the “funnest” of any shiva nata practice yet (have done it about 4x but am feeling ready to make the practice a morning ritual). Really enjoyed the “jumping” from one double to another double (double h1, double v1, double h1, double v2, double h1, double v3, double h1, double v4). So fun! Something about it in my head made me feel like Wile E. Coyote when he has just purchased a new pair of Acme jumping springs that attach to his feet.
When I first began it this morning, I got a slight headache. Then there was a spirally moment (which I hadn’t done yet. My laptop won’t play the intros or theory or basic movements for some reason so I have tried to do spirals based off of the drawings in Havi’s packet but I don’t know if they work) and it was great - had a buzzing sensation and my headache was gone. Once I finished, though, the headache returned.
Things that came up for me after this practice (meditation, shavasana): Don’t think I got into deep meditation. My mind’s anxiety would not stop yapping like a tiny chihuahua (which led to…….)
Things that came up for me after this practice (48 hours):
Oh!
A yappy dog!
A small yappy lapdog that sits on the lap of some old woman whos hands are so heavily encrusted with diamonds she needs her body guard to lift the remote for her and change the channel.
A dog that tremors and shakes with cold and fear. A dog that barks at everything - the obvious things like the postman, and a car going by, and a siren, and some sprinklers turning on, and a loud argument on television. Also some really unobvious things, like a cloud. Or a rug. Or an ash tray.
This dog is so small and so scared of everything it can’t be quiet. But the old woman knows that its just the dog’s nature, he is so tiny anything could eat him. He is sounding the alarm about everything but she knows not to listen, she has back up, that big bulky man who is standing next to her recliner doing his best to figure out what channel Judge Judy is on.
Hmmm sorry guys but this is my first metaphor! Its not really going as planned!
I am scared of everything. For example, I am 24 and I don’t have a license. Because I am too scared to drive. And I have lived in Los Angles, like, my whole life.
You can generally find my fears where irrationality intersects with impracticality.
Just like a tiny chihuahua. I know I have back up, I have my brain, so that if any fear comes true, I can solve it (I always have!). It’s just hard to remember I have a bodyguard when the only thing I can hear is barking.
Hmm. Still stuck. It is kind of making my fear angrier to reduce it to something as diminutive as a chihuahua. Though that did make sense in showing me that much of the yapping in my head is yapping at things like a lamp, things that can in no way inflict harm on me.*
*Unless I get electrocuted.
